Falling Slowly
by awriterandhismuse
Summary: Kate Beckett is a famous songwriter, and Richard Castle is a famous writer for a magazine. When Castle brings Alexis backstage for one of her concerts, things are never really the same again. Completely AU, rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so it's been a while since I've written any Castle and Beckett. I should really be doing homework right now, but I couldn't bring myself to stop writing.**

**This is a completely AU fic in which Beckett is a famous singer, and Castle is a writer for a famous magazine. Castle brings Alexis to her concert with backstage passes, and they meet her. Thank you to my friend Marissa for her stellar tags which give me tons of inspiration. Thank you! (By the way, this will definitely be a multi-chapter fic. I just don't know how quickly I'll be able to update it.)**

**Disclamer: I do not own Castle, and if I did, Castle and Beckett would be together by now.**

**edit: If this is horrible, I apologize to Marissa and all of my other Castle fangirls in advance. I put your hopes very high for this, so I'm sorry if it's not that good. I hope it'll get better as it goes along, though!**

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><p>The second her hair was curled into its normal shape, landing just perfectly on her shoulders, she knew it was going to be another ordinary day. She was going to head to her concert, pick up her guitar, play for an audience, go home, sleep it off, and then wake up and do the same thing the next day. Really, it wasn't the ideal career for Kate Beckett. She wanted something exciting, something interesting… something extraordinary.<p>

Of course, what she wanted… she never got. So she figured that if she said she didn't want it, she'd get it, but that didn't turn out working either. It was like she was forced to perform every day, but even that was a little harsh. Really, it was a way for her to get out all of those emotions she never could escape from. She would get up on that stage and sing her heart out, the lyrics meaning things no one had any idea about, and she would go on living, that burden off of her shoulders. It was her way of coping with the loss of certain people she'd rather not think about, and for the years she had been doing this… it was working.

The ghosts of her past were finally leaving her, and for once… she felt like she could breathe.

Sighing, Kate threw a jacket to shield herself from the chilly fall breeze, and started walking towards the street so she could get in her car, driving off to the small venue she was performing at. It wasn't really a burden driving herself there. In fact, she preferred it, and she would most likely do it for the rest of her life. She needed that preparation time period to make sure all of her thoughts were in check and there were no emotions hanging loose for everyone to see. She was a very reserved person, and she wasn't one to put her emotions out for everyone to see.

Just as she stopped at a red light, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Kate pulled it out, and almost didn't answer it once she saw the caller ID. Her manager was calling, and she could guess why he was calling right away. She was late for her rehearsal, as usual, and she really didn't care one bit. Finally, after a few rings, she picked up the phone. "Yes?" Was all she said, watching the light turn green as she started to pull off onto the road again.

"Where the hell are you? You're almost an hour late." He grumbled, obviously extremely agitated.

"I'm on my way." She said calmly, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I'm practically there. Give me, like… ten minutes. I'll be there. I had a rough morning."

"Don't give me excuses. Just fucking get here." The line went dead at that moment, and she pursed her lips, throwing her phone on the seat beside her. It should bother her that her manager was pissed with her, but really… it didn't. Not at all. He'd been far more furious with her before, and this was practically nothing. When she finally pulled into the parking lot, she grabbed her phone and her keys, throwing her sunglasses in her purse as she hopped out of the car. With a quick lock of the car, she stepped out, her heels clicking along the rough pavement as she walked in the side door of the venue. It was just a small club, nothing huge.

She didn't even really get what the big deal was. She wasn't _that_ famous. Sure, she had a lot of money… but she wasn't drowning in it. She was on the TV every few weeks, and lots of people knew her name. It was just like she was comfortable. And no matter what… she could deal with that.

Without hesitation, she stepped inside the building and prepared herself for the yelling she was sure she was going to receive any second.

"Kate, is that you?"

"Yes," She groaned, walking a little faster. "I'm here, I'm here."

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><p>"Mother, I assure you, I don't plan on harassing her for information." He groaned, running a hand through his hair.<p>

"Richard Castle. You better not. Because I will remind you for the thousandth time, women do not like to be pressured for information!" Martha told her son, holding her finger up at him as she walked around the kitchen.

"Yes, yes, I know. Now I'll be back later, alright? Alexis will be perfectly fine with me backstage." He threw his coat on, putting on a scarf to complete the look. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Castle smiled, giving his mother a quick hug before grabbing his iPhone and wallet and walking out the door. Alexis followed behind him, and he simply just listened to her ongoing talk about how excited she was to finally be meeting her idol. Castle on the other hand… he was just really excited to get information for his article. He had been planning this article for months – he had questions to ask, blanks to be filled, and pure curiosity tingling every nerve in his body. This woman Kate Beckett truly was a mystery to everyone, but he was hoping that he'd be able to peel back at least one layer of her onion.

The metaphorical one, of course. What kind of person would carry around an onion?

He shook his head, laughing at his own stupid thoughts. He arrived at the concert a little late, but that was no big deal for him. He walked in while she was going on to start her first song, and he quietly slipped backstage. He grabbed his backstage pass out of his pocket for him and Alexis, and the guard simply nodded. Sheepishly, Castle and Alexis slipped past him, careful not to make too much noise and get on the guard's bad side.

Because mixing Castle humor with a mean guard? Not the best choice. He'd probably get body slammed and die from a rib crushing his heart. It would be worth it. As long as he'd gotten the information from Kate, he could at least pass it on to his team back at the editing station. Now his stories were getting carried away with him, and he knew he needed to go over his questions in his mind so he didn't have to read from his paper when he got his chance with her.

But then, she started singing again, and it seemed like his whole world stopped. A voice of an angel could really come from someone that delicate, that small? Well, granted, she wasn't that small, but still, up there on that stool all alone with a guitar and a drummer, she looked pretty vulnerable. She had dark blue skinny jeans on, a light blue shirt, and her hair splayed out over her shoulders like she had just woken up. Of course, it looked good on her – Castle would stand by the idea that anything would look good on her.

Her haunting voice filled the speakers of the small room, and he could hear the crowd singing along. The smile on her face wasn't exactly hidden, and she didn't worry about how she acted. She was completely herself on that stage, and it didn't take an idiot to see that she enjoyed her job. If you could even call it that. It was more a lifestyle – not a choice, and definitely not something she did for the money. Online, you could see thousands and thousands of pictures of that spark in her eye. And just by that, you knew it was for a real reason. She had a real passion for music. Even someone completely stupid could figure that out.

"Dad! Earth to Dad!" Alexis sing-songed, her hand waving right in front of her father's eyes. "You're zoning out again. And the concert is almost over and I can't afford for you to be half out of it when she comes near us. We only have so much time."

He blinked his eyes a few times and nodded. "I know you're excited pumpkin. But you do realize that she's probably going to be very distracted, right? She's probably going to forget your name two minutes into the conversation."

"No she's not." Alexis protested, her eyes narrowed slightly.

"All I'm saying is… Don't get your hopes up, Lex." He repeated, "She's a very busy woman."

When she finally walked off of the stage about twenty minutes later, Alexis was as jumpy as any girl could get, and she was practically screaming when Kate walked past her. The second she set her guitar down, Kate smiled and walked over to them. There were only about ten people backstage, so there wasn't too much of a time crunch. Castle put away his phone so he could talk to the woman as well, but all of the breath needed for talking pretty much left his lungs as soon as she looked at him. If he thought she was beautiful up on stage, close up was an entirely different thing. She was purely stunning, and he didn't think he'd seen anyone so perfect before.

"Hi." Kate said quietly to the both of them, her eyes on Castle.

"Hey." Castle said quietly, his eyes on hers.

Alexis just about jumped out of her skin, and her smile was just getting wider and wider. "Oh my god, you were amazing tonight, really. And so was your drummer Kevin. Is it true that you guys are dating? Because you'd make such a cute couple and-"

"No –" She stopped herself. "What's your name?"

"Alexis." She responded immediately.

"No, Alexis. We aren't dating. To be honest, he's been a family friend for a long… long time. You can talk to him if you'd like. He's really nice. And if you keep him talking enough, he might even let you play on his drums for a few minutes."

"Really? Oh, where is he?" Her eyes wandered backstage, looking inside every nook and cranny for him.

"He should be right by the donuts and coffee around the corner. You can take whatever you'd like." She gave the girl a quick hug, squeezing her tightly and laughing as she thanked her and ran off around the corner. That left just the two adults, and Castle laughed quietly to break the tension.

"I'm sorry that Alexis is so jumpy. She's never been so excited to come to a concert before." He rubbed his neck, and he watched as she laughed quietly, her head hanging slightly as her hair framed her face.

"I'm just glad she enjoys the music. It means a lot." She offered him a smile, and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. There was a slight break in the conversation until Castle spoke again.

"Well… uh, I was going to ask you some questions, but I don't really think that it's necessary anymore…" He pushed out his words slowly; almost afraid he was somehow going to stumble over them.

"It's okay, you can always write to me or something. I'm sure that I'll get your letter. Unless I have some crazed stalker who steals all of my mail…"

Quickly, they stumbled into comfortable conversation, and there were laughs being shared, smiles being given, and they barely noticed that it was slowly getting later and later, and people were clearing out. Castle looked back and saw Alexis still engaged in her conversation with Kevin, and he shook his head. When Kevin gave her a hug, he knew that they were probably almost finished with their conversation, so he should probably wrap his conversation up, too.

"Well, it was really great talking to you." She finally said, reaching out her hand. He furrowed his eyebrows slightly, surprised at the gesture, but he gladly took her hand, grabbing it firmly as he shook it, not releasing his grip right away.

"I can definitely say the same, Miss Beckett." He said in his smoothest voice.

"Don't push it," She joked, letting go of his hand. "But by the way, I never got your name."

"Castle." He said, nodding slightly.

"Castle?" She asked, the slightest question in her voice. "Your real name is Castle?"

It seemed like Alexis walked back over to him right on cue, and he smiled mysteriously. "It's always good to have a little mystery in your life, right?" He almost laughed at her confused expression, but he wanted to keep his act up. He let his daughter wave goodbye, and then together, they walked out of the backstage area, and Castle couldn't keep the smile off of his face any longer.

"What's up with you, Dad?"

"Nothing. Just some good conversation to brighten the day." He left it at that, smiling down at her as they continued to walk towards their car.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so this chapter is a little bit longer than the other one. And it may seem like the scenery is repeated over and over again, but I need this to get things started. I'll eventually get to other places... but the first few chapters are going to seem a bit repetitive. I hope it'll be worth it in the end. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, and I never will. **

****All mistakes are mine.**

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><p>Castle could tell that Alexis was beyond tired as they trudged back into the apartment, and he knew that as soon as she walked up the stairs that she was going to bed. He of course, was not tired one bit. Kate Beckett was still on his mind, and he knew she probably would be for many, many more hours. And he knew that his initial reason for going with Alexis was completely wasted tonight because his brain was so fuzzy. He couldn't even ask questions because <em>she<em> made his brain fuzzy. Still, she was a mystery, and unless Castle actually decided to ask her some questions… she always would be.

Deciding that he needed to talk to her again, he pulled out his computer, going to her fan website. Surely if she was in New York City, she would be here for a few days to perform. And Castle knew that she didn't travel very far to perform anywhere. If he recalled correctly… the farthest she had gone in a few years was Delaware. Surely, he could travel that far for a concert, right? Waiting for the page to load, he tapped his fingers on the chair he was sitting on. Once the page flashed before his eyes, he moved his eyes to a tab that was labeled "Tour dates". Clicking that, he discovered that her next performance was right down the street from his loft; he bought one ticket, and one backstage pass. He didn't need for Alexis to come with him again, plus she had school the next day, and she really did need her rest.

After purchasing the tickets, slowly, he closed his laptop, and he managed to pull a blanket over him as he laid down on the couch. He knew that he'd never be able to make it all the way upstairs, so this couch was the next best thing. If on cue, his eyes shut, and his body shut down, instantly falling asleep.

…

In the morning, as if a crash resonated through his head, he shot up, his body jerking, his eyes opening in a flash.

"Oh, crap." He could hear Alexis mumble. "Crap, crap, crap."

He knew that was his cue to get up, so he sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What did you do now, Lex?"

"Oh! Dad… you're awake."

"That's not answering the question."

"I just dropped a plate. It's not a big deal. It's just putting a dent in my morning, because I really need to get ready. Paige should be here any minute, and I didn't even eat yet."

"I'll get it. Don't move, though. You're going to get glass stuck in your feet." Quickly, he grabbed a broom, and he swept up the glass so there were no shards left, and he threw them in the garbage, also making sure that there was nothing on Alexis. "Okay, you're good." He opened a cabinet and threw a bagel at her. "Eat this. At least have something, and you have my full permission to get the junkiest food when you get to the mall with Paige. Have fun today, Alexis. You don't need to be the responsible one all of the time. And if you decide to stay over her house, you can totally do whatever you'd like."

"Dad, you realize that someone has to be the responsible one, right?"

"Funny, funny." The doorbell rang, and he shook his head. "Just go before you wound my pride any farther."

"See you later!" She exclaimed as she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek, rushing to grab her purse and stuffed the bagel in her mouth.

He laughed as he watched her run out of the loft. Some things would never, ever change. He could still remember the day when she was running out of this very same loft off to her first sleepover party. She was as nervous as she could be, but she still went, pushed through, and was talking about it for weeks. He'd never been more proud of her. And now… now it was almost like time was escaping him. She was practically already becoming an adult, and he really had no time to sit and watch her grow up, because somewhere along the line… he knew it had already happened.

It seemed as if at the speed of light, Alexis already had matured and she was no longer his little child anymore. She took care of herself, she had friends, she had a boyfriend, and still… he was the younger one. He still sat at home simply writing his articles. He barely went out, he didn't have a girlfriend, and he definitely didn't take care of himself. Hell, sometimes Alexis had to remind him to eat. It got pretty bad sometimes, but she never really cared that she had to be the responsible one. Hell, now that he was actually trying to write an actual novel… he was practically a mute. He spent days on outlines… days taking notes, and weeks in the mindset of his novel. Rick didn't even know if it was going to get anywhere… but he had to try, right? He could attempt, and maybe… just maybe, he'd make a bestseller.

Well, maybe writing a bestseller was a bit of a longshot… but he could try.

So to pass the time, he set off into his office, shutting the door behind him. He opened his laptop, looking at his notes from a couple of nights before.

_Title?_

_Detective – Tall, Brunette, thin, driven_

_Victim – singer_

The list went on and on, and he didn't know where his mind went those nights before. He opened a new document and shook his head. He needed something totally new… something different. He just needed a sense of inspiration. And he knew where he could find it.

_No, no. I can't. I don't even know if this is going to be published, let alone if I'm going to follow through with it. _He reminded himself of that constantly.

No matter how much he wanted to go through with this… he did have an actual job. One that required him to write articles almost daily for. He had to write, proofread, proofread, and proofread again. It was tedious, yes. But that didn't mean that he didn't like to write. It was about something new every time, so unless he completely hated the topic that he was writing about, he didn't mind writing at all. It was much of an escape for him, and once he got started, he couldn't stop. So as he started writing now, creating tons of notes, and even trying to accomplish a few paragraphs, he realized that time was quickly escaping him. It was nearing three o'clock when he started to get really hungry, and he finally saved his work and closed his laptop before exiting his office. Getting out into the kitchen with a huff, he grabbed bread, lunch meats, and simply put together a quick sandwich before he had to set off to the concert again. He hoped that she remembered him. He was hoping with all that he had. Because he'd be upset if she didn't. After their conversation last night… he didn't really know how either could get the other out of their minds. At least that how it was for him.

Rick stuffed the sandwich into his mouth, practically inhaling it as he walked up to his room to get changed. He stripped himself of his clothes, turning on the shower so it was almost scalding hot. He needed some kind of a distraction from his thoughts. And heat could do it. At least he hoped. He let his mind wander to something else other than her, and he found it was working. He stopped to think about Alexis, silently praying that she wasn't getting herself into anything bad… But he knew she'd call. At least he thought he knew she would.

…And that line sounded better in his old thoughts. Now it just sounded weird.

On that note, he finished washing his hair and turned off the water, stepping out and drying himself off. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he walked back into his room, stepping into his closet. He picked out a baby blue button down shirt and a pair of black dress pants, and after dropping his towel and putting on a pair of boxers, he quickly finished dressing himself. With a quick brush of his teeth and hair, he grabbed his keys and looked at his watch. 5:30 pm. He took a longer shower than he thought, and now, if he didn't rush, he was definitely going to be late.

Again.

Kate promised herself she wouldn't be late again. She_ couldn't_ be late again. If she kept being late, she knew her tour was going to be cut short because her manager was completely pissed at her. Really, she knew that he just wanted to get in her pants. But, she really couldn't fire him. He got her into a lot of places, and he was always there for her when she needed to cancel or if she was sick. And now… since it was nearing closer the day she always dreaded… she knew she was going to need some time off. And he knew it too. Yes, three months wasn't exactly close, but for her it was. With each passing day, it seemed like that hurt in her chest just got more and more overwhelming.

She knew that on that day, she'd sit in her apartment and cry. Just like she did every other year. And that was okay with her. Because it was the only sense of normalcy she had anymore. She sighed, putting on a pair of black skinny jeans, and a tight beige shirt. Just as she set out the door, she was actually a little less stressed, knowing she was getting there on time. Since she was there on time, she knew that her manager wouldn't yell at her, the venue wouldn't be pissed that she was late, and she could have time to warm up and chill out for a little bit.

So the second that she arrived at the club where she was performing, she got out of her car and stepped inside. He manager smiled the second she walked in, and he sent her up on stage for a mic check. She sang a few bars of each song, some loud, some soft to test if the microphone was picking them up. As soon as she got the thumb approval, she went offstage, moving backstage so she could have a quick drink of water and warm up in a back room. She found an empty room after asking for one almost immediately, and she went in and closed her eyes. She sang her heart out, her throat almost getting thick from so much emotion in her tone. She'd be presenting a new song soon, too. Hopefully.

After an hour of swimming in her thoughts and singing random scales, she finally opened the door and walked out, hearing the hum of the crowd outside.

"Five minutes, Kate." Her manager said as he walked by. She nodded, and fixed her hair on her shoulders.

"'Kay."

Before she knew it, she was being pushed out on stage, and she barely even had the chance to think. She smiled when applause filled her ears, and she quickly said hello and opened with her signature song. She laughed along with the crowd for a minute, telling them a story of her previous night, and she closed her eyes for a minute. She started up another song and looked backstage, seeing her manager point at his watch. That meant twenty more minutes. It shocked her how quickly these concerts seemed to go, and it was almost crazy how much she wished they were longer. After she finished a couple more songs, she picked up her guitar and walked off the stage with a smile on her face.

"Great show, great show." Her manager told her, taking her guitar and mic off of her. She smiled her thanks, and she walked back to get a water bottle. She chugged half of it immediately, and she put the water bottle back on the table.

"Kate?" A little girl walked up to her, and she smiled.

"Hi. What's your name?" She knelt down on the floor slightly, and she took the CD the girl held in her hand. The girl said her name quietly, and she almost missed it. She grabbed the sharpie, too, and she signed her name on the inside cover. "I signed it on the inside so it won't fade away." She smiled as the girl walked away and a few others walked up to her. Then as it seemed the line was dying down, one last man walked up to her.

Her breath hitched in her throat when she realized who it was.

Castle.

"You're back?" She asked quickly, straightening her shirt.

"For what I really came here for, yes."

"What were you really here for, then?"

"To ask you questions for an article." He said automatically. "I mean… if that's okay with you. If not, it's totally fine, I can find someone else for the article."

"No, no. It's totally fine." She dismissed him with a wave of the hand. "I'm used to it." She paused for a moment, looking around backstage. "Uhm, we can sit down if you'd like. I'm sure it'll be more comfortable." But before sitting, she cleared her throat. "Coffee?"

"Yeah, sure. That'd be awesome." He responded with a smile. "It is kind of chilly back here."

"Do you take any sugar, cream or milk or anything?" She asked, fixing her own cup a couple of steps away.

"Uh… you might just want to bring over the milk and sugar." He smiled sheepishly.

She let out a breathy laugh and nodded as she brought everything over. Sitting back down, she handed him a cup of black coffee, watching him practically overflow it with sugar and milk. "Child at heart?" She guessed with a smile.

"Yeah, you could say that. I'm pretty sure my daughter is more responsible than me. But it's cool. At least I'm the fun Dad." He said with a chuckle as he mixed his coffee together. Once he took a sip, he pulled out his notebook and phone.

"Are you one of those creepy paparazzi types who ask the most insane questions like, 'What side of the bed do you sleep on?'" She asked, her eyebrow slightly raised.

"No. And by the way, I've been asked that before. Which is totally a trick question. I sleep in the middle."

"Right?" She said in agreement. "I mean, why sleep on one side when you have a big huge bed?" She cursed herself for being so open with him. Why the hell would she just go right out and say that to someone? Well, it also could be because… No, that wasn't even sounding right in her head.

Was she lonely? Did she need some light talk so she wasn't a mute for the rest of her life? She _had_ been lonely lately. After Josh had broken up with her, she had been pretty much to herself. She wasn't in the mood to go out and mingle, and with all of these tour dates… she didn't really have the time.

At least that was what she told herself.

"…Kate, are you listening?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." She said quickly. "What did you want to ask me again?" With a long sip of her coffee, she sighed, sinking into her chair slightly.

"You want me to just go right out and ask all of this stuff?" She nodded, and he nodded slowly in agreement. "Okay, then." His eyes skimmed over the notes on his paper, and he pursed his lips. "Okay. Question 1." He paused. "What drives you?"

"As in what pushes me through my work? What gives me inspiration?" She could seem him nod. "Everything. Anything can give me that extra push. And when I have someone to push me, it just helps. If I have someone pushing my buttons… well, that even helps. As much as it pisses me off, it still helps." She paused, and looked down for a moment. "And my family. They give me a lot of inspiration for my music."

Rick just nodded, writing down notes. "Do you think you'll ever stop?"

"No. Not writing music. Maybe I'll stop performing sometime soon… but no, I'll never stop." It was a simple answer… but what more could she say? She didn't want to give too much of her life away in an article.

"What did you want to be before you started performing?"

"A lawyer." She answered, almost immediately.

"Why?" She looked at him through her lashes. Why? Why did everyone have to know more? It seemed like her voice left her, and she just stayed silent for a moment.

"I had my reasons." She finally said after a minute, looking straight at him.

"Sorry. Personal questions…"

She didn't respond, just sat there, sipping at her coffee. She could deal with silence. Maybe the entire reason she wasn't involved with anyone was because she liked her space. She liked the quiet. The quiet was safe. And the quiet was something she was used to.

It seemed like the questions were light after that until the last few. They were more personal, and she guessed that he wanted them so he could build a little backstory. But… she couldn't deal with all of that now. Definitely not now. She was pushing her demons away, and she didn't want them back now.

He noticed the look on her face, and he closed his notebook. "Sorry, I'm done."

"It's okay. Really. There's just some stuff that I'd rather not revisit." She said quietly, looking right at him.

"I understand. I would be the same way."

She just simply nodded, playing with her cup of coffee. She could tell that he did understand. Everyone had their points where it was too much. It was just that hers were a little easier to reach. At least now, anyway.

"I'm sorry." He said finally, an apologetic smile on her face.

"Stop apologizing," She chuckled lightly. "You barely know me, you didn't know."

"We can change that." He offered, laying all his cards out on the table.

"Why?"

"Because frankly, I think you could use the company. And I'm pretty sure I could write some pretty fantastic articles about you. They'd help your image a lot." _And I could use some inspiration for a novel,_ he added in his mind.

"So asking me all of these questions was your smooth way to ask me to go out with you somewhere?"

"Not exactly. That was all right now." He added with a half-grin.

"I don't even know your first name." She said, trying to get out of his offer.

"It's Rick. But I'm used to hearing no. It's totally cool. I'll probably see you again."

Kate felt her heart beat a little faster, and she instantly felt bad. She could tell the smile on his face was fake. "You would think that I would know your name. Rick Castle. It sounds familiar, but then again, everyone who writes articles sounds familiar to me." She paused for a moment, thinking.

"Kate, they're closing it up. We have to get out of here." Her drummer Kevin yelled over to her, his bag over his shoulder.

"Oh, okay." She stood up, and Rick followed right after her. She stared over at him, and she bit her lip. "Look… You seem really, really nice. But… I'm really busy with the tour right now."

Castle nodded, and he grabbed his coffee off of the table. "No, it's totally fine. We barely know each other. And I might see you again sometime."

"Exactly. If you manage to follow me at all of my shows, I might upgrade you from creepy interviewer to acquaintance." She smiled, her hands clasped behind her after she threw her coffee away. "Uhm... How about you come to my next show? Just wait until after everyone leaves backstage, and then maybe we can get coffee? Somewhere decent? There's a nice café down the street… and maybe we can do that then? I don't know, I might be tired… but we'll see okay?"

"I'm not going to push anything. I might be busy. So I might not be able to follow through with your plan, either." He offered her a smile, still holding his coffee in his hand. "I'll see you then." There was a pause, and she spoke.

"Maybe."

"Bye, Kate. It was nice talking to you."

"Bye, Ca-" She stopped herself. "Rick." She offered him a smile, but he was walking away before she had a chance.

Maybe she just should have said yes? Would it have been that bad? Of course, you got to know people over trivial things like coffee. "See you next week?" She offered, a little louder, grabbing her bag.

"See you next week." He responded, looking back one more time. And with that, he was gone, and she felt a slight pang of hurt in her chest. He didn't look back again. As much as she hoped he would.

And with that… She was beginning to think that she _wouldn't_ see him again.

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><p><strong>Having them apart hurts my heart, but it has to be done. It wouldn't be Caskett without this crazy chase. Plus, there's always a little bit of teasing. But we'll get to the good stuff later. <strong>

**Thank you for reading!**

**Jessica**


	3. Chapter 3

**I hope this chapter is okay! I was losing inspiration... but I just started rambling, and then this mess of a chapter happened. It's so weird writing a long story, because my longest story ever was three chapters. I hope I can get this story to at_ least_ ten chapters. **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle. Although, maybe I can find a way to bribe Andrew Marlowe... **

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><p>The weeks had gone by. Still no call, and as she looked backstage… she still didn't seen him. Kate knew that when he walked out those weeks before, he was walking out for good. Really, who was going to wait around for someone who wouldn't go out for something as trivial as coffee? It wasn't even that much of a big deal.<p>

She wanted to tell herself that it was the press – she didn't want to go out with him because of the press. But she knew it wasn't that, either.

God, she knew she couldn't just put herself out there again. She _couldn't_ just simply let herself dive into another relationship; one that she was sure Castle would want. Sure, if he wanted to be friends… she could do that. But saying that made her seem like she was a teenager and was trying to find a way to get out of everything. But this was real life… she was in her thirties, and she definitely wasn't trying to find a quick relationship to stay in. She wanted something that was a constant… something she knew she could fall back on. Someone to be there for her when she had nothing else. She needed someone who could care about her, and someone she could care about in return.

But every… every single thing about a relationship tore her apart. She was never good in relationships… and they always ended up making her feel horrible about herself. Why couldn't for once, everything just be easy? Why couldn't she just let go and be free and have what she wanted? That was what she went to therapy for a year for. So she could live a normal life… be who she wanted to be.

Of course, what the hell did that do? It still hurt every day of her life. It hurt every single second, and she couldn't deal with it sometimes. How was she supposed to accept the fact that her mom was murdered?

Oh, that's right. She couldn't. Ever.

It was easier to deal with, yes, but that didn't make it hurt any less. That didn't erase the fact that it happened.

She had to accept the fact that she had baggage – she tried to tell herself that it was the reason she couldn't have a relationship. She needed to strip herself of all that baggage… and then she could finally be open and free with someone. That was how it was going to work. There was no other way, so it would simply have to work the way her mind was set. She'd wait until she was clear of her baggage… and then she could finally let herself go. She could let herself go… and just be free with someone. There was a time for everything. And now was definitely not time for the thing she most desperately wanted.

But God, all she wanted was someone to actually want her. Someone to actually go through the trouble of dealing with her baggage so she could just be herself. She knew she was contradicting herself, but every single thing made sense in her mind.

She wanted to call him. Really, she did have his number. She could have easily called him. But it wasn't worth it. She wasn't going to chase after someone and seem desperate. Wasn't that the opposite of how she wanted to come off? Yeah, she was pretty sure acting desperate wasn't on the schedule anytime soon.

At the date of her final concert, she sat backstage, drinking a water… and just waiting. Waiting for that smile she couldn't erase from her memory, and that knowing glance he gave her. It was like with one single glance; he could peer into her soul and read her thoughts. That scared her, simply because she didn't want anyone knowing what was really going through her mind. There were private things going on up there, and half of it was pathetic, anyway. She needed to get her mind off of him. And a walk and a coffee could surely do that. She would call up her father when she got home, and she would deal with all of her feelings another time. Hopefully, a time far, far away from now.

Stepping into a Starbucks down near Times Square, she tried to act as casual as possible to not be spotted by any cameras. Now really wasn't the time for press. At all. She didn't need anything bothering her more than she already was. It was stressful enough dealing with all of the people going backstage to visit her, and all of the fans stalking her day and night. Sometimes, she wished that she could have a break and she could be normal once again. Of course, nothing she ever wished for came true. She learned that very quickly a few years ago, and she learned to accept that fact, no matter how much she didn't want it.

Stepping up to the counter, she ordered her usual, a grande skim latte with two pumps sugar free vanilla. Her old friend had gotten her obsessed with that order a long time ago, and she never really stopped getting the same thing. Kate thanked the barista for making her drink, and she quickly found a spot in the corner of Starbucks, trying to stay low-profile. Oh, how she prayed that no one would notice her. But… thenshe noticed someone walk in.

"Crap." She muttered, lowering her head slightly so she could stay hidden. Why did that familiar face have to come to the same exact coffee shop? When he went up to the counter, she let her eyes drift over to him, and when his eyes met hers, she tried not to show how annoyed she was. She didn't need this now. Especially not from him. When she saw his legs moving closer and closer to her table, she tried to hide further into her hand. But when he appeared next to her… she really couldn't ignore him, could she? "…Hey, Rick."

"Hey." He looked to the chair across from her, and then moved his eyes back to her.

"You can sit if you want to." She said quietly, her eyes avoiding him. She really, really didn't want to deal with this right now.

She_ did_ want to talk to him. Just not like this.

He followed her offer, sitting down across from her, his hands playing with his coffee. "You look good," Castle commented. "Less tired."

"Yeah, right. I look like a truck just ran over me. You don't have to lie." Of course, she knew she looked crappy. She'd looked at herself in the mirror just over an hour ago, so she knew her hair was a curled mess – not the usual way she curled her hair. It was her natural hair, almost looking like it was scrunched.

"No, no. You don't look bad." He paused, and she didn't say anything. "Is this your natural hair?"

"Yeah. I didn't bother today. Plus, it's more low-key, y'know? I don't have to worry about people stalking me." A breathy laugh left her lips, and she shook her head, running a hand through her hair. "How did you know it was me, anyway?"

"You're not that hard to miss. I know your face."

"After seeing me twice?" She fired back lightly, looking up at him.

"Exactly." Kate nodded her head, pursing her lips. She didn't feel like questioning him. Not now.

They quickly settled into an awkward silence, just sipping at their drinks. Kate kept her gaze out the window, but she could feel his eyes practically burning holes in her skin. Of course, she wanted to ask him why he didn't call. She wanted to ask him why he didn't see her again backstage. But she knew that he could fire right back, _why didn't _you _call? _She had his number, and he also had hers. It was pointless to even talk about it. It would turn into a bigger thing than it really was. Sipping at her coffee, she turned her eyes back to him, and offered a smile.

"You got your semi-coffee date now, Castle."

He seemed to ignore the first part, much to her relief, and he looked at her strangely. "Why do you insist on calling me by my last name when you know my first now, too?"

Hm. She really hadn't realized she was even doing it until now. Why didn't she just call him by his first name? "…I don't know. It seems fitting."

"Why does it seem fitting, Miss Beckett?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, and took a sip from her coffee. "I don't know. It makes you seem a little more mysterious, I guess. Weren't you the one who said it was good to have a little mystery? You give me a little mystery in my life."

"I don't know if that really answers my question fully, but I'll take it." He grinned softly, taking a gulp of his drink.

Kate rolled her eyes, trying to hide the grin as she took a last sip of her coffee. What was with this man and playing with her emotions? She looked at her watch, seeing what time it was, and she sighed. She really should be getting home. There was an idea in her head for a song for hours, and she really needed to get her ideas on paper.

"Uh, hey, I think I should be getting home. Promise me you'll call? It would be good to hear from you." She told him, grabbing her things and standing up. She could see him nod as he also stood up, and she bit her lip.

"Yeah, I'll call. But, you can call too, don't forget." He teased her, a grin on his face.

"I know, I know." She said, lowering her head a bit before picking it up again.

"But I will call. When you least expect it." She nodded, grinning, as she started to walk away.

"I'll talk to you later, Castle."

"When you least expect it." He repeated. "I have to keep that mystery alive!"

"You're border lining on creepy stalker, again…" She sing songed, the grin obvious in her voice as she walked out of the café, not looking back.

At home, she settled back into her normal routine – washing clothes, cleaning up a few rooms, making herself a quick meal, and sitting in front of the TV. Around 12 AM, she finally got in the shower, and just when she got out, she heard her phone ring on the counter. Seeing the caller ID, she groaned. What was he doing calling this late?

"Castle? What the hell? It's midnight!"

"I'm well aware of that fact, Kate." She waited for him to say something more, so she tried to fill the silence, but she couldn't think of anything to say. He quickly filled the silence, asking a simple question. "What are you wearing?"

She wanted to roll her eyes, but she stopped herself. Not that he would know if she was rolling her eyes, anyway… So she simply played along, her voice completely innocent. "Nothing."

"You're joking right? You're not even going to play along?"

"I'm not joking, just to let you know. I just got out of the shower." She said smoothly, still feeling the water dripping down her back. It didn't help that it was freezing in her house, and the hot shower was practically wasted. Sitting in the cold air soaking wet wasn't really doing anything for her. "Castle, are you there?"

"Y-Yeah. I'm here."

She shook her head. "See, this teaches you a lesson. Never call me late at night."

"…I'm going to write that down as a reminder for future reference."

"You probably should," She nodded to herself, grinning at how he sounded. Uh… no. She wasn't grinning. Of course not.

"So… I'm going to let you go. So you can put clothes on… and you can sleep."

"You should go to bed, too. It's late."

"Yeah, I will. Goodnight, Kate."

"'Night, Castle." She said, her voice a little higher than usual. She pressed the end button on her phone, and she set it back on the counter, grabbing a towel off of the rack in her bathroom.

It was almost too easy to get him flustered. And she knew that he'd probably never look at her the same way the next time they saw each other. She was sure this wouldn't be brought up, though. These things never were. And she could definitely work these things to her advantage.

No, she wasn't working them to her advantage. She didn't want to tease him. She _didn't_ like him. She told herself that over and over again.

She did like being around him, though. But that was contradicting herself, wasn't it?

Pulling her bathrobe on, she stepped out of her bathroom, practically running into her bed. She wrapped herself in the blankets, trying to get that extra warmth. She sighed once she got comfy, a soft smile on her face.

She told herself the smile was from a productive day. _Not_ from him.


End file.
